Friday Funnies: Marriage Advice


I’m not big on humor that slams on husbands or wives, but these are some funny thoughts that simply help us to laugh at ourselves.  Enjoy.

“Marriage is a lot like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the numbers that re-enlist.” – James Garner

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Don’t assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost – she may have got him.”

“A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kinds of questions he can answer.” – Ronald Colman

“Before marriage the three little words are ‘I love you’, after marriage they are, ‘let’s eat out’.”

“By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“Some marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.”

“A diplomatic husband said to his wife, ‘How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'”

“It takes a smart spouse to have the last word . . . and not use it.”

“Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.” – Arthur Baer

“The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.”

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, handsprings, or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy till you try it.”

“Many husbands go broke on the money their wives save on sales.”

“There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.”

“In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.” – Shelley Winters


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