It’s come to be an expected thing…sorta like the “Terrible Twos”. Men will go a little crazy when they hit, say, 40 or 45. What is that about? First off, I don’t believe in the “Terrible Twos”…I think we have potential to be equally as terrible, regardless of age. It just so happens that toddlers are getting a feel for who they are and what their parameters are, so it is “understandable”. Because our society is sorely lacking in good parenting skills, we now have pre-teens who are still making this transition. We have thirty-somethings who are still very much adolescents. Yes, some of this is the product of Peter Pan syndrome…and a-musement encourages us to never grow up. Indulge. Play. “Make hay while the sun shines.”
I’ve been thinking, though. I wonder how we factor into this. What typifies the man in crisis? Sports cars? Trying to appear hip? Buying a Harley? Enjoying the attention of younger “chicks”? What this behavior says to me is that this is a man who is not content in his role. He is not fulfilled in being “just Dad”, “dear husband”, “trustworthy employee”. Where’s the sizzle in that?
I’ll tell you where. It comes from you, dear heart. How do you speak about him to your kids? Your friends? Do you honor him? Does he know it? When he makes some achievement at work, how do you respond? Do you praise him when he takes the kids for a day out? Do you thank him for replacing the busted-out screen in the side door? When he brings you flowers, or sends a card (or ecard), do you give a ho-hum reaction? If so, shame on you. Your husband needs affirmation, encouragement, vision, motivation. You help him attain his goals by showing support and appreciation. By learning him, and growing with him.
I hear you. You are asking, “Well, what about me? Don’t I deserve some credit, affirmation and appreciation too?” Okay, first you need to determine why you are doing what you are doing. If you married for what you can get out of it (or, exponentially worse–to “change him”), you’ll be disappointed often. If you tied the knot to have a 50/50 partnership…it will fail. Only when you view matrimony as a 100% commitment can you give when you do not get. That’s agape. That’s Christ’s love for you, after which you model your love for others. He is the Source and supplier. When you give like this, you may get back…maybe not. This is what is well-pleasing to your Father. If your husband does not give like this, then set an example. Pray for him to be in the Word, so he is reminded of his unworthiness and bankruptcy before God. Ask for him to have all the joy and satisfaction that his identity in Christ should afford. Look for opportunities to continually bolster his confidence by showing your confidence in him. Convey by your actions, reactions, facial expressions and speech that he is “all that”. I believe numerous men go looking among the “young chicks” for what modern psychology calls an “ego boost” because they are not getting it at home. Dish out some heapin’ helpin’s. Help him to realize that it is very cool to be a great Dad. It is gratifying and applaudable to do a solid day’s work. And that he’s not only comfortable and stable…but also that it is exciting and intoxicating for you to be married to him.
If you’d like a way to encourage your husband, you might consider the “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge” from Revive Our Hearts. If you happen to be a husband, wanting to encourage your dear wife, I also found a “30-Day Wife Encouragement Challenge” here.
If there have been issues with sexual sin involved in your situation, you may want to look at a recent post entitled “Responding Correctly to Your Husband’s Sexual Temptations”…click here.