When you are not well, these words do not seem to describe you. You are distracted, you forget things. Your health sometimes gets in the way of keeping commitments. Perhaps you feel even your gifts have been packed away in tissue paper. And, to further compound frustration, when you have an autoimmune condition, many times you appear well when in fact you are not–so folks don’t understand why you are not “responsible, reliable, and really, really useful” (these words, by the way, are Mr. Conductor’s “Three R’s” from Thomas the Tank Engine, which was one of my son’s favorites). They see you when you are fresh, wearing makeup, and at least somewhat coherent (tho perhaps medicated to assist in that portrayal). What they do not see is the hours you spend in a dark, quiet room just to manage pain. They don’t see you sit down on the bed because the act of drying your hair is exhausting. They don’t see the bottles of pain meds, or the dust and laundry and dishes that pile up because just getting ready for the day and interacting with your family requires most of your energy reserves. They can’t look into your heart and understand the depression that can accompany this life. The yearning for just one day when you could be “the fun mom”. That’s hard. I understand.
Somehow when you find yourself in this season of life, you need to be able to rest in your spirit, even when physical sleep eludes you. It is a seemingly insurmountable cycle…no rest, more exhaustion, higher stress, which weighs down the spirit and leads to more sleepless nights. I’ve been there. Sometimes days at a time. I have found some encouragement in Psalm 3.
Of verse 2, Spurgeon writes:
If all the trials which come from heaven, all the temptations which ascend from hell, and all the crosses which arise from earth, could be mixed and pressed together, they would not make a trial so terrible as that which is contained in this verse. It is the most bitter of all afflictions to be led to fear that there is no help for us in God.
When you are faced with what seems like trouble on every side, and your eyes are frantically engaged in the horizontal, it is easy to come to this point. Dr. Jim Berg has written, “The temptation of the sinful heart is to “[exchange] the truth of God [for] a lie” (Romans 1:25).” You must look up. What does David see when he does?
3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
4 I cried aloud to the Lord,and he answered me from his holy hill.
About these verses Spurgeon says,
Indeed, there is a present glory in our afflictions, if we could but discern it; for it is no mean thing to have fellowship with Christ in his sufferings. David was honoured when he made the ascent of Olivet, weeping, with his head covered; for he was in all this made like unto his Lord. May we learn, in this respect, to glory in tribulations also! “And the lifter up of mine head”—thou shalt yet exalt me. Though I hang my head in sorrow, I shall very soon lift it up in joy and thanksgiving. What a divine trio of mercies is contained in this verse!—defence for the defenceless, glory for the despised, and joy for the comfortless. Verily we may well say, “there is none like the God of Jeshurun.”
The result? David slept. In the midst of turmoil, fear, and heartache (and regardless of who might be pursuing him, even that very moment), he sleeps. He did not understand his circumstances, but could rest in his understanding of God–who God is, that He answers. He chose to remind himself of these things. In the night seasons, when we commune with our hearts, this is what we must do. We need to instruct ourselves in times like these. God knows all your circumstances, and is completely in control of them, regardless of your opinion, or that of others. With everlasting arms, He is all-encompassing strength. He will lift up your head, so that you might look in His face and see that He is trustworthy, even if the pain doesn’t go away. This can be time well spent. What sweet rewards can be gleaned from a bumper crop of suffering, that not be unearthed in any other way.
It is not about you, but about what God wishes to reveal to you about Himself. Responsible? He is responsible for your care, as He is for the lilies of the field, and the sparrows too. Reliable? Indeed, He is…there has not failed one word of His promises. Really useful? Well, usefulness is what He intends whenever we feel overcome by weakness (God is very practical–He never wastes time!)…but we play a part in this by seeking His purposes. I think it’s significant that in such a short psalm, we have three “selahs.” This is a term believed to indicate a transition or a place for a pause. There is a lot to consider here, to pause and meditate upon. Psalm 4 is well worth consideration as well. Spend some time there, if you are struggling with these issues.
Here is an excellent resource (free) called “Stabilizing Truths for Noisy Souls” from Dr. Jim Berg–click here. To purchase the entire set of materials, click here.
