This post is about making daily choices that are healthful for your soul and spirit. In this case, regarding what we read. You may be offended by what I say, or at least strongly disagree… you have my permission to contradict as long as you do it nicely. =)
I am not a big fan of Christian romances (other than my own)…no, I mean in the realm of literature. I have a tolerance for Christian fiction that is productive, historically or didactically; but generally what falls under the heading of “Christian romance” seems only to be Christian in the respect that the main character possesses a Bible and perhaps throws a gratuitous acknowledgement over the shoulder to God periodically. My distaste for this genre of writing began when I was a freshman in college. I was a new Christian, and observing and absorbing all the examples of Christian young womanhood around me. I returned to my dorm room after an evening of studying at the library, only to discover my other freshman room mate reading a Christian romance novel, in the dark, with romantic music playing. I wasn’t yet very discerning; but I knew enough to know that for an idealistic freshman girl who already had “senior panic”…this was not a healthy choice.
The Bible instructs us to:
About this, commentator Matthew Henry observes:
Keep thy heart with all diligence. We must set a strict guard upon our souls; keep our hearts from doing hurt, and getting hurt.”
How does indiscriminate reading hurt our hearts? Christian romance is usually not fraught with immodest situations or laced with racy terminology and innuendo (some married ladies actually attempt to justify their reading of such things because they already “know about” intimacy…to which I will apply the famous “Greek word”: baloney).
So, what’s the harm? I believe it is this: What we allow to steer our hearts eventually takes us in that direction in action. The pretend lifestyles (face it, they usually don’t pick a gal from the back streets of the Broncs, who is eking out a living at the corner “greasy spoon”), the focus upon outward appearance (just to keep this in perspective, tho, please remember that beauty can be bought by anyone who has enough money…inner beauty must be cultivated…but I digress), and the idyllic relationships (most guys don’t sound like Shakespeare when they pay a compliment or invite you out to dinner)–set standards that can never be attained in real life. Soaking the imagination in this syrupy concoction draws the Christian away from biblical goals for real relationships. In the immortal words of Edna in“The Incredibles” , a favorite of my kids –” It distracts from the now.” That hurts the heart. What’s more, it encourages unsuspecting females to look for love that is “perfect” in all the wrong places. Here’s a quote from my “Emptiness” post:
One key truth that He brought home to me [as a single gal] is that it is unfair to expect any one person on this earth to be your “everything”. Not a parent, not a friend, not a child or even a spouse. It simply can’t be done. That role can be filled only by God Almighty. To put that kind of pressure on mortal flesh is unrealistic, not to mention ungrateful…”
Don’t get me wrong…I am all for romance. My husband is very sweet, has written me poetry, whispers “sweet nothings” and often brings me flowers for no reason (sometimes raising eyebrows at the store and drawing comments such as, “What did you do now??”). =) I am blessed. And what we have is a genuine Christian romance…as Christ would have it. It involves self-sacrificing choices, merciful choices, charitable choices, submissive choices, and Spirit-controlled choices, along with all the hearts and flowers and emotions and holy desires.
I believe today’s romantic fiction in the form of books, articles, blogs, soap operas (double ugh with a heaping helping of “auuuuuuuughghghghgh!”) and films (an absolute ditto) are rarely-if on any occasion-helpful to the Christian life. This is conjecture, but I wonder if women’s fascination and unhealthy preoccupation with these types of amusements directly correlates with their dissatisfaction in relationships, not to mention the current divorce rate. All Christian women, married and single, must be proactive in protecting their hearts, making deliberate, healthy choices.
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.
7Be not wise in thine own eyes:
fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
8It shall be health to thy navel,
and marrow to thy bones.
Proverbs 3:5-8
I write Christian women’s fiction ( a better term
I write it because I want to honor God, and I want my daughter to be able to read what I write… and me not be ashamed. I appricate well written love stories. I think the frustration for me with Christian writers is the fake, sanctamonious writing they cobble in becuase they are trying to “Christian” it up. I have found a few writers that don’t… and write wonderful stories that are heartwarming. Sue Meisner, Blue Heart Blessed is one of my favorites. I don’t look to these books, for spiritual food, just a good entertaining… clean read. Some of these writers are my friends, and I know how much prayer and thought goes into their stories. I have a wonderful husband, who is romantic and these stories do not take anything from him or that. In fact, my own writing is a wonderful connection point for us.
While I agree that secular romance novels could contibute to the horrific things you list, I have a hard time believing that most the Christian novels do. Certainly, women turn to these books sometimes to fill in space better filled by their husbands, but I think most… just like a good story. Nothing wrong with that.
Hi Amie,
I am not at all surprised to see your reply…I am on your “stompin’ grounds”, after all. =)
My concern lies more deeply with the single gals (as in the intro of my post), who are trying to form a philosophy of what a Christian relationship ought to look like. Here’s the testimony of one:
http://www.goodmorals.org/crystal.htm
The “chick lit” crowd now has a Christian offshoot that is being deliberately targeted:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/21/books/21roma.html
While this article is a few years old, the premise is probably even more viable today as the market accelerates. Young women are not typically as discerning as they used to be. I think it is important for us “older women to instruct the younger”…and if there are some wholesome alternatives, then provide a caveat similar to this, given by Christianity Today editor, Carla Barnhill:
“One more thing: Romance novels, even those from a Christian perspective, can have an unintended result. They can cause you to believe that real love will be a big, sweeping, carried-away feeling. But real people rarely fall in love on horseback or at sea or through a hunt for a secret treasure. Real love is not always dramatic or magical. And not everyone gets married. Not everyone finds love that lasts forever.
“I don’t mean to sound negative about love—it’s wonderful and beautiful. But it isn’t what you read about in books or see in movies. Real love involves a deep commitment to loving someone else more than you love yourself. It involves sticking with that commitment even when the other person makes you angry or gets on your nerves—two realities that aren’t in most romance novels!
“So go ahead and read Christian romance novels. But remember that they are entertainment, not real life. They are meant to be fun and enjoyable. But they are not roadmaps for how your life should be.”
In an interview on chicklitbooks.com, I read a quote by an author saying,
“I think there are elitists who think it’s cool to be “above it all.” In other words, if a trend is popular with a lot of people, then it must, by definition, be blue-collar or, in the case of chick-lit, “un-literary.” But in English classes, we were taught that writing is used to inform, educate AND entertain. And if Chick Lit resonates with women, and apparently it does with a LOT of women, then it is serving one of the purposes of writing. I also think that, by definition, the Chick Lit heroine has finally broken the stereotype of the romance novel heroine–and how can anyone complain about that??”
My problem with this is that in our generation we have MAINLY amusement seekers and very few seeking education and instruction. The three need to be in harmony. The Bible is about balance (after all, Paul was a well-read gentleman and quoted numerous secular sources in the New Testament). I’d like to see this genre reel-in the minds of Christian young women and help them learn to think biblically as well as love biblically. ~D
Dear Diane
I don’t know if you really want me to write about “Christian Romance.” I am against it. I suppose people could say it no longer appeals to me because I am older. I think girls have enough inclinations to “romance” without adding all these extra encouragements of novels. Missionary Hudson Taylor warned his sister about the dangers of “Novel Reading”… especially to those who had his kind of temperament. He said he would give anything to forget some of his novel reading experiences, (which I doubt were very bad as the writing was benign in those days).
Missionary Isabel Kuhn said it was like drinking soda and eating sweets before a well balanced meal. It dulls your appetite for spiritual things.
Well, I don’t claim to be as yielded as these great missionaries, but it is better to try to learn from some of their proven ideas.
If we want to be strong for the Lord, I think we need some good ideas to feed on and also to make use of our leisure time for edification. I am not saying that everyone that reads these novels are wrong, these are just things I believe the Lord has shown me. Sometimes girls reading these books focus so much on “romance” they end up getting married to someone that they think is like a character in the book they read, instead of knowing what their future husband is really like.
Dianne Barrouk
Beit Sahour
As a single lady in her 20’s, I have not touch any romance novels for many years. When I was in my early teens, I thrived on stories like the “Mandy” series where she has this ongoing relationship with Joe and at age 12 they said they would marry each other. As I progressed into my later teen years, I began to see how that series affected the way I thought about relationships. I felt totally incomplete unless I had a guy that liked me, which sadly to say lead to much heartache in several different relationships.
Because of that, I am downright against especially singles reading romance novels or watching movies with any romance in it. It does distort your way of thinking as it did to me and it will lead to heartache.
I have not touched a romance novel since I was 19 and I am extreemly grateful that the Lord convicted me of the evil it was doing to my mind and the importance of not thinking those thoughts. I have also given up watching any movies that have romance in them at all. I just cannot handle it when I already struggle with being a single as it is.
Hi Sarah Ann,
Thanks for stopping by. I understand and appreciate your sensitivity in this. It is so important to guard our hearts. What have you found encouraging as a single gal–what types of books, tapes etc.–that help you keep a Christ-honoring balance in learning to live and love biblically?
I ditto Diane, Dianne and Sarah Ann. Christian Romance does not go through my filter of Phil 3:8….”Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
I believe there is room for fiction as long as it doesn’t effect reality. I am sure somewhere out there is a good Christian Romance series, but I choose not to waste my time trying to find such a book or series when I can avail myself of other good material.
Yes, the passage in Philippians is an excellent filter– speaking of which, that same book calls upon us as believers to “approve those things that are excellent”. That includes all things–our relationships, our expenditures, our hobbies, our musical preferences, our reading material. If there’s something “better for you” out there than what you are currently doing, why not choose it?? There may come a day when we will not have that liberty. We will wish we had fed our souls and spirits on “gold, silver and precious stones”. Thanks, Juanita.
Well, I haven’t read any Christian fiction in which the guy sounds like Shakespeare.
And, though there is a lot I haven’t read out there, in what I have read, they pretty much do try to make the characters and situations ordinary rather than syrupy or unreal.
I guess perhaps a good definition of Christian romance might be helpful. Some people tend to put all of Christian fiction written for women within the scope of Christian romance novels, but there are many different types of Christian women’s lit. that might contain a love interest but aren’t particularly about the romance. That is what I prefer — a good story, and if the two principle characters fall in love, that’s fine, but I don’t usually like the ones that are just about how this guy and this girl got together.
Certainly if a Christian novel seems too unreal or is causing someone to long for something out of God’s timing or long for an idealized man or relationship that is impossible in this world or fantasize about someone other than one’s own husband, it needs to be set aside. Personally I haven’t really found that to be a problem.
I think the best Christian fiction is like an extended parable or illustration, having a definite lesson or example without being didactic. For me, a lesson I learn in story form usually stays with me much better and longer than other means. I’ve been touched and inspired often while reading Christian fiction. One specific help I remember came from reading Janette Oke’s book A Quiet Strength. A young couple gets married, and the wife struggles with her husband having to be away so much. I had been married for a much longer period of time when I read it, but I learned from what the author had the younger girl learn in the story.
By the way, I have read Isobel Kuhn’s biographies and am familiar with what she wrote about reading novels being like eating sweets before a meal, dulling the appetite for good food. But later in life she did go back to the classics and to books that she had read before, to keep her company when her husband was away for long periods of time. Since she had read them before there wasn’t the temptation to lay everything else aside to see what would happen next.
I am not saying everybody should read Christian novels if they feel they shouldn’t. I’m just saying I have benefited from some of them.
Well, I can see that this topic is proving to be the “hot button” I expected. Thanks for your comments, Barbara. This is a good discussion. Interesting clarification on Kuhn. I do know that she was a fairly firm advocate of single ladies “keeping their hearts”. We have read the testimonial (above) of one who feels the need to be extra zealous in this. You can feel her passion about this in her comments. I respect that. Better to err on the side of being “too choosy” about one’s spiritual diet than permissive or indiscriminate.
I respect your opinion as well, although I may not share it. You said,
“Certainly if a Christian novel seems too unreal or is causing someone to long for something out of God’s timing or long for an idealized man or relationship that is impossible in this world or fantasize about someone other than one’s own husband, it needs to be set aside. Personally I haven’t really found that to be a problem.”
I am glad you have not encountered those road blocks in your reading…but they are out there. I think we are presuming a lot to think that if a story contains unacceptable elements (and some of these would be universal, biblically speaking, while others are more subjective according to the reader’s spiritual make-up), that the reader will have discernment and/or discipline to discontinue reading, esp. in the thick of a plot. I can certainly appreciate the “weaker brother” (or rather, “sister”) in this case choosing to forego this type of fiction as a safeguard. From your last statement, I believe you agree.
For my part, as a homeschooling mom of several, I find I have to decide carefully how my “leisure” time is spent, it is so limited. I feel Christian Romance fiction is not the best investment of that time. I just finished “A Chance to Die” about Amy Carmichael–it was a great edifying influence to me; but it took me over a year to finish! =)
For a post regarding a truly “delightful” and “entertaining” read, go to the first part of my friend Chris’s post today at:
http://mytwocents.wordpress.com
Now that I’ve read your comments, I certainly agree with you on the subject! I’m not as good with coming up with comments as you are, but as I read what you wrote, I certainly understand where you’re coming from and agree with what you’re saying. I think it’s nice to have “good” stories for our young ladies to read, but classifying them as “Christian” novels is dangerous.